Struggling

I'm struggling.

I'm struggling financially.  I'm struggling emotionally.  I'm struggling physically.  I'm struggling spiritually.  I'm struggling in my career.  I'm struggling to stay afloat.  I'm struggling to maintain my sanity.  I'm struggling to maintain my optimism.

But I have faith.  I have a God who loves me.  A God who is always with me.  A God who will never leave my side.  A God who will carry me when I can no longer walk...and I'm just about there.

Financially.
I've made a lot of wrong choices in my life.  I've often done what was convenient or what fulfilled my selfish desires of the moment and shrugged off the consequences.  The consequences ALWAYS catch up.  Sometimes the next day, sometimes years later...but there they are.  My financial situation is clear evidence of that.  I am awful with money.  To say I have poor money management skills would be a gross understatement.  I'm working on it, and I'm doing better, but I've gotten myself into such a deep, narrow ditch.  It's going to be a long time and a LOT of hard work before I am back on solid ground financially.

Emotionally.
I'm drained.  As most of you know, I broke up with my boyfriend about 5 months ago.  Or rather, he broke up with me.  I am crushed.  I was so certain about him.  About us.  So now I'm left feeling jilted. I have been having a really hard time with this.  I am SO thankful for the amazing support I have from my friends and family.  I have spent the majority of my quiet time not being so quiet.  I am angry.  I am sad.  I am heart-broken.  I just keep praying for God to take this hurt from me.  It's more than I can bear.  I'm just so tired.  I don't want to cry anymore.  I don't want to care anymore.  It's too much.

Physically.
I am in the worst shape of my life.  Over the last 2 years, I have gained over 30lbs...and I am not carrying it well.  I have started (and quit) p90x 7 times now.  I don't know what my problem is.  I don't know why I can't won't stick with it.  I want to be in shape.  I want to feel better about how I look.  I want to fit into the clothes I own.  I want to feel confident in a bathing suit again.  I know I need to just get off my couch and do it.  I know it's not going to happen overnight.  I really need to find some motivation...and keep it!


Spiritually.
With everything else that's going on, it's just been really difficult for me to keep my eyes on God.  I know that He is the way.  I know that He is the one who saves me.  I know that I am nothing without my faith.  It's just hard.

I don't think I've ever struggled this much in so many areas of my life at the same time.  I feel like I'm at such a low point.  The only place to go from here is up.  Wish me luck and say a prayer for me if you think about it.