domino disposition

Lately I've been noticing that my daily interactions with people tend to set the tone for the rest of that day. Whether it's due to that encounter heightening or lowering my mood is up for discussion...though that's the conclusion I'm reaching towards.

Yesterday was a great day. Nothing extraordinary happened...just a good day. I woke up before the alarm today...always a good thing. Nothing like not being startled awake in the am! Got up took a nice, hot shower...gotta love those...made myself an everything bagel with cream cheese, filled up my water bottle and packed up my backpack. So far a fairly typical day.

My roommates grandmother is in town and she was up. Had a nice convo with her while I was getting ready. This wasn't a grandeur talk...maybe 10 minutes in total...no serious topics were broached...just some simple, good-morning-how-are-you-have-a-good-day small talk that ended with a hug and a see you later. But it was pleasant and so I left the house in a good mood.

I got to work, had 5 clients back-to-back, and just as a grumble was starting to creep up on me, my 3:00 came in. I had worked on him once before and he had come back and asked for me. He is a Christ-follower and I remembered him well because we had had a good talk about Christ and being a Christian. My mood instantly relightened as I awaited what our conversation, if any, might entail. I was not disappointed.

I left work with a smile on my face. I then headed off to home team, which is always good for my mood and spirit. All in all, it was a great day that started off with what may seem to have been an insignificant beginning.

Conversely, today didn't start off as happily. I, again, woke up before the dreaded alarm, grabbed a bagel, packed a lunch and headed off to catch the bus.

My first encounter was with the bus driver. Typically the drivers are quite nice. We exchange pleasantries and I go about my day. Today, however, she was not so pleasant. I told her the bike rack was bent making it difficult to put the bike on correctly and she snapped back that it didn't matter. That's fine. I was just letting her know so she could pass along the information. Her attitude certainly put a damper on my mood.

Isn't it funny how one person can completely change your disposition? It makes me think that maybe, just maybe, I need to depend less on others for happiness and more on myself and God. What if the tone of my day was set by how great of a prayer session I had that morning rather than by the snide remark someone made on the bus?

unwanted suitors

Allow me to vent for a moment.

I ride the bus on a regular basis (that may be a bit of understatement...I take 4 buses a day to get to and from work) and, while not ideal, this is kind of my alone time. Time that I put on my headphones, listen to my favorite radio station, spiritfm, read a book or magazine and just sit.
I am not riding the bus, or sitting at a bus stop, waiting for Prince Charming to come along and sweep me off my feet.

Don't get me wrong here, I am open to chatting with my fellow commuters and/or the bus driver. My headphones are always low enough that I can hear what's going on around me.
What I don't appreciate is being hit on, or asked for my phone number when I am clearly tuning my surroundings out and after I have concisely and politely informed the suitor that I have a boyfriend. It is none of your business how long we have been together or how serious the relationship is.

Telling me that I'm pretty and look 18 and then proceeding to say you're in your late 40s is just creepy. If you thought I was that young, why on earth are you hitting on me?? You'd be old enough to be my father!

Asking me if I'm available and then, after I say no, asking if you can have my phone number is just plain disrespectful. Would you want to date someone who gives out their number to random strangers within 2 minutes of meeting them? I wouldn't!

So, seriously, if you're sitting beside me, or anyone for that matter, on the bus or at a bus stop and you feel the urge to open up those lines of communication, don't let this rant stop you. I have had several nice conversations and even exchanged numbers with people I've met on my commute AFTER speaking with them several times and with honest, good intentions.

I am merely speaking out against the creepers. The ones who ogle anyone with 2 x chromosomes. The ones, who after you politely answer whatever question it is they had, then turn away and put headphones in, continue you to tap you on your shoulder and ask about your personal life. The ones who feel it is within their right to tell you they're a better match for you then the one you're with...even though they have yet to learn your name.

Follow the Leader

Last night, we started a new curriculum in my bible study. Go Fish by Andy Stanley. It centers around Matthew 4:19. "and He said to them, 'follow me and I will make you fishers of men'. "

God wants us to not only live our lives for Him, but also to bring others into His light. I struggle with this -- not because I disagree with the notion; I wholeheartedly agree -- but because I find myself feeling unworthy of such an important task.

Who am I to tell others how to live their lives? What gives me the right, the fortitude to dictate what others should do? Now don't get me wrong here, I fully believe that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. I ardently believe that it is our jobs, as Christ-followers, to shine His light for others.

My qualm is more in that I struggle with my faith on a daily basis. If I don't feel that I am 100% right with the Lord, how can I tell someone else that they need to be? So the question ensues, do you need to be the perfect follower to lead?

When I take the question out of the context of myself, I think absolutely not. We are human. We all fall short. That should not, cannot, take us out of our faith. If anything, it should bring us closer to God. We need to use our trials and tribulations -- past, present and future -- to show others what we have found in Christ. We need to think outside ourselves, we are not the main objective here. Jesus is.

So while you absolutely have to follow in order to lead, you, in no way, need to be perfect. So long as you are living you're life for Him as best you can, He will help you the rest of the way. So go on, be fishers of men -- and women -- for Him.

un-zen

As I sit at work, awaiting...dreading...the next massage, I can't help but wish I were anywhere else but here right now. Preferably my bed...or the couch would suffice.

Don't get me wrong...I truly love my job. On most days, giving someone relief from that aching shoulder, lumbar, sciatic...or whatever ailment they may have, brings me joy. But, today...this whole week really...I'm just not feeling it.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's how slow it's been lately has made me unmotivated. Or, it could be, the 6 day a week work schedule I had last month and now again this month. Or maybe it's the growing number of stupid, arrogant people that I keep receiving as clients. Well, that last one may just be a default thought of not wanting to work in the first place...but it sure doesn't help!!

But, for now, I will suck it up. My next client has arrived. Time to strap on my lotion holster and a happy face.

revived

Praise the Lord. Sing to the Lord a new song, his praise in the assembly of the saints.
psalms 149.1




So I've been feeling a little out of sorts lately. I mean, it's been a year of great highs and lows for me. My car was repossessed, I was fired from applebees after working there for 7 years and was evicted from my apartment. On the other end of the spectrum, I graduated from SWFC for Massage Therapy, got a job at Zen Massage and passed the national board for massage (i'm still waiting on the Florida board of health to issue me my license though...). Ryan and Joey were nice enough to take me in during this rough time. While it can be a bit cramped and I'm sure I get on their nerves quite a bit...I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am. I don't know what I'd do right now without Ryan's help.


Even with things beginning to look up, I couldn't help but feeling a little lost. Yes, I now had a plan. I knew what I had to do to get my life back together and get back on my feet. It's a daunting task. I've put myself in this position of financial despair, and while I know what I need to do get out of it, it's not going to be an easy task. Nor is it going to happen overnight.


So to combat this feeling of being lost, I knew there was only one place to turn. Jesus. I have always been religious and had a strong faith...though sometimes stronger than others. Since moving to Tampa over 6 years ago, I hadn't found a church that I felt 'at home' in. I honestly hadn't really tried that hard. It had somehow lost it's priority. I still read my bible, listened to my Christian cds and radio stations and prayed regularly...but that's not enough.


I've tried 3 churches in Tampa. The 1st was Idlewild. A girl, Mandy, who worked at Full Moon with me went there. It was a really nice church...but so big!! They actually have shuttles from the main service to sunday schools. It'd be really easy to go unnoticed there. I went a few times...but it was just too big. The 2nd was 1st Baptist of Lutz. I really like it there...but I tried it when I didn't have transportation. So I could only go when Lauren (old room-mate) or Josh (ex-boyfriend) wanted to go. While the congregation was friendly, I felt it may take some time before I made any real friends there or really felt at home.


That brings me to the 3rd church. Church at the Bay. I've only been once so far, but I loved it!! The music was a live band that played very contemporary music...like hillsong...one of my favorites. It was a very relaxed and welcoming atmosphere. Pastor Hal is an awesome speaker. He's down to earth, funny and inspiring. I also met some awesome people. Everyone was so friendly. I went by myself and was a little nervous that I'd feel out of place because I didn't know anyone. Not the case at all. I met 3-4 people before I even got to my seat. It's a non-denominational church, which I love! Annnd it's in walking distance of Ryan's apartment. It literally took me 4 minutes to get there. On my checklist of what I like in a church, Church at the Bay met and surpassed each one! I can't wait to go back! If anyone would like to join me, I'd love to have you!


I finally feel fulfilled. I feel back on track. I want to be a good Christian. I want to better my life. I can do all things through Jesus Christ.




How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the sand on the shore

But every time You've taken me back

And now I pray You do it once more

Please take from me my life

When I don't have the strength

To give it away to You, Jesus
How many times have I turned away

The number is the same as the stars in the sky

But every time You've taken me back

And now I pray You do it tonight.
-Take My Life by Third Day