LIWD :: day 41 :: Compromise

Marriage to a non-Christian brings pain to the believing wife.  As women, we long to be known and loved for all we are.  A man who is spiritually dead can never know the very intimate spiritual part of you that is your heart. He would be blind to much of what you would try to share with him.  He could never know and understand you fully. 

Be careful when you begin to think that you are "in love" and you "just can't live without him."  Think again.  Think of the loneliness you will feel when your husband will not attend church with you.  Think of the angry bickering that may take place between the two of you because he can never understand the depths of your spiritual awareness and, consequently, your convictions.  If you do not think about this now, you may one day think, "Before I couldn't live without him; now I can hardly live with him."...

Please consider a greater consequence than being unhappily married to a man who does not know your Lord....  Will it be worth the compromise when your children look up at you and ask why daddy doesn't love Jesus?

...you may one day think, " Before I couldn't live without him; now I can hardly live with him."

 I grew up in a home with one parent who was a believer and one who was not.  My father does not understand our faith.  He does not understand our commitment to our churches.  He does not understand our relationships with Christ and why He is so important to us.  He doesn't listen when his wife or children try to explain why we believe what we believe.  He doesn't try to know the Jesus that we know.

In high school, he told my mother I was in a cult...in reality, I was part of a weekly bible study called hi-ba (high school born againers).  The phrase 'born again' scared him.  More recently, he told me Jesus was going to get sick of me because I spend too much time speaking His name and listening to christian music. 

It's hard knowing that my dad isn't going to go to heaven.  It's difficult knowing that my dad isn't open to knowing my Jesus.  It's hard now, but it was incomprehensible when I was growing up.  What do you say when your child asks if daddy's going to heaven?  Do you lie and say yes?  Or do you tell them daddy's going to hell because he hasn't accepted Jesus Christ as his own personal Lord and Savior? 

Why set yourself up for unnecessary hardships?  Don't waste your time dating someone who wouldn't be an ideal mate for you.  High standards are not a bad thing.  Take the time to make a list of the characteristics you want...no, need...in a mate.  Pray over and hold fast to it.  You won't regret it.

LIWD :: day 30 :: Marriage is Not a Dream

Realizing that marriage is not a dream but real life can also help you to wait patiently.  Instead of merely being envious, get with a godly woman and see the extra load she carries.  Look at all she cannot do, instead of the fact that she has a man in her house.  Understand that in reality, married life is not constant communication, daily roses, hugs and kisses, breakfast in bed, and sheer bliss.  Marriage is every bit as much work as it is wonderful, even in God's way and time.  It is good, but don't be deceived into mistaking it for Heaven.

Since no spouse is perfect, learning to live "as one" is not without its tears.  Marriage alone is not a cure-all or answer to every heartfelt need.  If you think it is, you had better just keep waiting, for that kind of marriage doesn't exist.  Although there is a romantic inside every one of us, you must be realistic regarding marriage or the shock could be devastating.

...

Developing patience is hard.  Getting married ahead of God's timing is worse.  God may not work according to your time schedule, but He does have your best interests in mind.

Although there is a romantic inside every one of us, you must be realistic regarding marriage or the shock could be devastating.

Who wouldn't want a picture perfect marriage?  Love makes everything easier...right??  If you've ever been in a relationship, you know it takes work.  You have to respect one another.  You have to compromise.  You have to learn to pick your battles.  Marriage is no exception.

I don't think I'd want a 'perfect' marriage.  I'd be bored.  I don't want someone who just agrees with everything I say.  I need a little diversity.  I know my ideas aren't always great.  I need someone to give me another view.  I don't want a copy of me.  I want someone who compliments me. 

I don't believe love fixes everything.  I do believe that love gives you the motivation to work at something.  That's all I want....a love that's worth working at.

LIWD :: day 19 :: Don't Give Too Easily

Don't let your heart be given away too easily.  If a man says he loves you, you don't have to echo the phrase.  To men these three words can mean all kinds of things, like "I lust for you" or "I want you to kiss me."  Or maybe he just can't think of anything else to say at the moment!...  Gradually those "I love you's" can trap you emotionally and lead you on physically.  To guard the key to your heart, make a commitment to say you love someone only if you love him with a committed love, not a casual love feeling.  You will remain much more in control of your friendship.  Real love will have time to blossom and grow without those three words.  Guard and save them to be whispered when God reveals it is time.  What a gift to tell your fiance, "you are the first person I have ever said this to: 'I love you.'"  Give meaning to those precious words, and you may use them and hear them with fondness through many happy years of marriage.

There's a second step you can take to guard your purity.  It's a radical statement, but save all your kisses for your future husband....

A woman's kiss or embrace is not just another way of saying thank you!  A kiss should say something more intimate.

...save all your kisses for your future husband.

I have a few qualms with todays devotional.  While I think it's a great thought for the only man you ever kiss to be your husband, it's not very practical.  It's about 13 years too late for me to save all my kisses.  This is just a concept I can't quite fathom.  I mean, more power to you if you choose to not kiss until your wedding day, but that's just not something I feel is necessary.  I don't think kissing is a sin.  I don't believe it's against Gods will.  I do believe that it can lead to other things, it's just a matter of drawing a definitive line and holding fast to your convictions. 

I do agree that you should guard your heart.  I am a romantic.  I love a good love story.  I've been known as boy-crazy - I'd like to say I am no longer that way.  I fall easily.  I become enraptured quickly.  I have an obsessive personality.  When I like something (or someone), I really like it (or them).  It takes effort for me not to fall completely.  Past experiences...past heartaches...have had a part in making this easier.  Every time your heart is broken, it hardens a little.  So for everytime I've let myself be vulnerable enough to get hurt I've made it that much harder for my godsent to break through to my heart. 

I am guarded with the words 'I love you'.  I use them freely when talking to my friends and family.  I want them to know they are loved and that I care.  When it comes to dating, however, that is not something I take lightly.  They are not just words.  They are a pledge of your affection.  I am blessed, in that, my boyfriend feels the same way.  I would not want him to say he loved me because that's what he's supposed to say.  I only want to hear those words from his lips when he truly means it.  That's when it means something.  That's when it's special.  That's when it's romantic.

LIWD :: day 17 :: Your Gift

Since sex is desirable, why not have sex?...

God wants you to be a Lady of Purity because He wants to protect you from the consequences that sex before marriage brings.  These consequences can be physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual....

Have you secretly opened a Christmas gift before Christmas Day and rewrapped it, putting it back under the tree?  How thrilling and exciting it was when you saw the surprise.  But what about the "big day" when the gifts were supposed to be opened for the first time?  Where was the excitement when you opened your gift?  The gift did not seem quite as special because it had already been opened for the first time.  Each woman receives one "first time."  God desires for your precious gift to be given to a committed lover who will cherish, keep, and protect you in marriage.  God wants you and your gift to this man to be treasured and cherished, not trampled and conquered.  Song of Solomon 8:4 (NIV) says, ... "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."  God wants to protect you from losing your virginity.

God desires for your precious gift to be given to a committed lover who will cherish, keep, and protect you in marriage.

We live in a world full of lust. Sex is everywhere. It's in magazines. It's on tv. It's in movies. And it's socially acceptable. If you are abstinent, you are most likely the odd man out. The topic of abstinence comes up often in conversations with friends and coworkers. They don't understand it.

I am abstinent because I believe it is in Gods will for me to be. I am abstinent because my body is a temple to God. I am abstinent because I value my sexuality. I am abstinent because I think sex is sacred. I am abstinent because I believe all sex outside of marriage is adultery. I am abstinent because I want my wedding night to be special. I am abstinent because I want to 'make love' not -insert profanity here-.  I am abstinent because I am strong enough to be...or at least I am with Gods help. I am abstinent because I want to obey my Lord and Savior.

God has blessed me with a wonderful man who feels the same way I do.  Abstinence within a relationship would be difficult, if not impossible, when both partners aren't committed to it.  It's not a matter of either one of us not wanting to have sex, or to share that intimacy.  We just feel that sex is meant for marriage and we want our relationship to be Christ-centered rather than sex-centered.  Just because we're in agreeance does not mean it's easy.  We struggle.  My boyfriend is attractive.  I love him.  There are times when I waiver.  There are times when he waivers.  Luckily, when I am weak, he is strong...and vice versa.  We both have a strong faith and know we can rely on God to keep us on track.  We strive to have a relationship that honors Him and abstaining is a way of accomplishing just that.

LIWD :: day 10 :: Become a Princess

When you picture the perfect man for you, what is your prince like?  Do you see a man devoted to God?  A man of character -- teachable, loyal, faithful, gentle, and kind?  What kind of woman do you think this godly man desires to marry -- a shallow woman or a woman full of charm who knows how to dress and capture other men's attention?  Is this the one he imagines he will one day spend the rest of his life with -- the mother of his heirs?  No way!!

To marry a prince, you must first become a princess.  To marry into royalty, you must be appropriately prepared.  Even Diana, the Princess of Wales, had to go through a period of  "waiting and preparing" before marrying Prince Charles.  She had to learn how to properly act, dress, and speak so she would honor the royal family.  Is it any wonder that a heavenly princess must prepare inwardly for the call to which she will give her life?  As you set your attention on developing godly character, Christ will change you into the beautiful princess He created you to be. 

To marry a prince, you must first become a princess.

I know I've been guilty of expecting perfection of others when (clearly) I am far from ideal. I do believe you should have high standards...especially when it comes to who you date and marry. But it's important you keep these standards or qualifications in check. Are you asking more of your potential life mate than you yourself are willing or able to give? Rather than sitting around waiting for God to drop Mr Right onto your front doorstep, why not take this time to expand your mind and your faith? Would you want someone who has done nothing with their life but sit around and wait for your arrival? What would you talk about? Would you be destined to spend the rest of your lives together just sitting around?

Take this time of singleness and use it as the gift from God that it is meant to be. Delve into bible studies. Join a club or two. Read. Volunteer in your community. Become a person you would admire...and, when (if) God deems it time, your godsend will admire you too.